Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
