Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize