I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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