Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
