I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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