goodnight i made you a song goodbye
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
