I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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