I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize