i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
