$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I could fuck to npr.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
