I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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