We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
