My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize