Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
