I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize