Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
