dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
