Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I fill condoms, not promises.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
