STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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