I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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