Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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