so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
