Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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