Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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