You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
