So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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