You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
