tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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