1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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