So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
