My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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