I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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