a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize