A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
