I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
