I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
