wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
