so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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