Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
