My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
