Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
