Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
