She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
