I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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