YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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