I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Who died my cat blue again?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
