She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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