I'm lost and stupid without you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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