its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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