You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
