dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
