If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
