Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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