i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
