So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
