I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
