apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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