I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
