So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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