DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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