I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
