I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
