All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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