I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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