Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize