did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
