are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
