just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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