I am puke
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
